


Evening routine

by Donya



Series: Frostiron parenting [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Family Fluff, Fluff, FrostIron - Freeform, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 04:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another fluffy story from the point of view of Loki and Tony's baby.</p><p>'It's some kind of Midgardian magic, look at him, Stark, he's ten times cuter in his footed pajamas, with damp hair, you see? I hope you really washed him, not like the last time.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Evening routine

Trapped in the high chair, again, Bjorn took advantage of the cup of water he was given. He spilt the water and slammed the table with his hands, pleased to see water splashing in every direction. Daddy didn't notice, still whining about having stepped into a piece of watermelon that somehow landed on the floor. Bjorn didn't mind, he occupied himself with biting on the cup, pushing his fist inside and when it turned out to be not quite amusing, he threw the cup on the floor. Mummy kept ignoring him, fine, Bjorn managed to grip a fork and tested its qualities by smashing it against the table surface. The next thing on his list was another fruitless attempt at removing his bib. The object of his hatred was orange and green, and it prevented him from smearing the food on his clothes- outrageous. 

'Loki, do something.'

'Will punching you help? You see what I'm dealing with? This awfully smelly orange potato-'

'It's a sweet potato.'

'It fucking smells, I had to bake it and now I'm blowing on it because your son doesn't like anything hot. It's so illogical.'

'Why is it always my son when you're angry?'

Mummy brought him the diced sweet potato, Bjorn took that as an opportunity to smack the bowl, curious of what would happen. Sadly, this time Mummy was faster and the bowl remained on the table.

'Stark, give him a fork and put that cookie away, he'll notice.'

Equipped with another fork, Bjorn tried to master the art of using it, only to give up after a minute. It was much easier to pick up pieces of food with his fingers. 

'This child is a savage, look at him, Stark, my goodness. What time is?'

'Still over an hour to his bedtime.'

'Damn. The longer it last, the more it becomes _my_ bedtime. I'm exhausted. You're giving him a bath today.'

'I did that yesterday!'

'Do you see any trace of human emotions on my face? I'm wiped out. I don't care, bathe him or put him to bed all dirty.'

Bjorn watched Mummy's sad face, he didn't like seeing Mummy like that. He gave Mummy a piece of the potato, hoping it'd be enough to cheer Mummy up.

'You saw that, Stark? He's sharing. Sharing food. I have this irrational feeling that we're not actually related. I used to eat Thor's meals before mine.'

'And yet I count your ribs, you beanpole.'

Mummy wasn't looking at him, good, Bjorn dropped the fork and caught the jar of fruity mousse. Its content was not only tasty but also useful- as an all-purpose spread. It was always most amusing to put it on his face, smear it on the table or his parents' clothes.

Mummy finally realised what Bjorn was up to and took away the jar. Bjorn cried, glaring at Mummy, how cruel Mummies sometimes are, unbelievable. 

'I'm so tired I don't even care. Or maybe just a little. He's such a dirty piglet. When is he going to start behaving like a civilised person?'

'With us as parents? Probably never.'

'That's so sweet of you, Stark, to soothe my fears. Now, the bathtime.'

 

Bjorn only liked taking a bath with Mummy, in that big bathtub. He could play with Mummy's legs and toes, pull on Mummy's wet hair, smack Mummy's chest, while Mummy washed him gently. It was far less bearable when he was bathed in his little tub. Daddy put him inside and the water was too hot, Bjorn started started crying, Daddy always made that mistake.

'What, what's wrong? Too hot? Wait, Daddy fix it.'

Finally Bjorn sat down in his tub, surrounded by sweet-smelling foam, expecting Daddy to hand him the toys. He got one little cow, black and white, then a dinosaur, its mouth was opened and Daddy told him the dinosaur was thirsty.

'Be careful, he might drink the whole water. Oh, look, is he biting your toes? Oh no!'

Daddy gave him also a little shark and a blue cup. Hmm. That was a clear invitation to drink the bathing water. Bjorn filled the cup and raised it to his mouth.

'No, that's gross!'

Too late, Bjorn drank, amused by Daddy's emotional reaction. He tried to put the cow in the cup but it didn't work. The problem was so serious that Bjorn didn't notice when Daddy poured some soap on his back and started washing him. It got much worse when Daddy gripped his arm, how was Bjorn supposed to play with one hand? Daddy interrupted him and Bjorn angrily pushed him away.

'Just give me the other hand, I'll be quick.'

Daddy was quick, he washed Bjorn's neck and belly, then his legs and stopped for a moment.

'Oh my God, why do I have to do this? Stand up, son. I have no idea why it doesn't bother Loki. _Just wash him_ , he yells. Ugh. Ok, I'll be super quick.'

Daddy got the washing cloth and without even looking at Bjorn, cleaned his private parts. Bjorn was busy with bending the shark's tail, back and forth. The shark had little black eyes and sharp teeth, just like the dinosaur. Perhaps he also wanted to drink the water.

'I hope you'll start cleaning yourself soon. It's very stressful for Daddy, you know? Very. Sit.'

Bjorn, clean and fresh, was allowed to stay in the warm water and Daddy helped him fill the cup with foam and they fed the dinosaur and the shark. Bjorn laughed, he once he tasted it and it was such a disappointment, despite the sweet scent the foam was bitter. His toys, though, seemed to enjoy it.

Daddy stood up and got the towel, it was green and had a hood with ears. Daddy wrapped it around Bjorn and carried him to his bedroom. It was the right time to start fussing again, Daddy got the diaper and pajamas, it meant the ordeal of getting dressed. Bjorn knew that for sure when he was laid on his back and the towel was removed, cold, he was cold and not only didn't Daddy care but also he started putting on the diaper.

'Stop kicking me, I'm almost done.'

Bjorn stopped fighting when Daddy zipped up the pajamas, hmm, it was a nice feeling to be clean and warm again. But the amount of suffering it required made Bjorn conflicted about that whole bathing thing. Ah, never mind, he knew Mummy was waiting for him, Daddy put him on the floor and Bjorn walked fast, looking for Mummy.

'I'm here, come!'

How nice of Mummy to help him. He found Mummy sitting next to his toys, scattered on the floor. They played together with a large fire truck, Mummy showed him the button on the side that made the light flicker and the siren wail, and a man's voice said, 'It's a full alarm, fire chief!'

'Jesus fuck, Loki, turn it off.'

Daddy sat down next to Mummy. Bjorn abandoned the fire truck when he noticed one of his favourite plushies, a long snake, longer than Mummy's legs, it was red and had a thin tongue but most importantly, there was a little bell attached to the tip of its tail, Bjorn shook it, glad to hear the rattling sound.

'It's some kind of Midgardian magic, look at him, Stark, he's ten times cuter in his footed pajamas, with damp hair, you see? I hope you really washed him, not like the last time.'

'Hey!'

'I bet you cried. Stark, it takes seconds to clean his butt, why are making such a big deal out of it?'

'It makes me really uncomfortable.'

The snake's mouth was slightly opened, Bjorn pushed a little plastic teddy inside, the snake was hungry.

'It sucks that we can't have dinner with the baby.'

'Tell me about it. He's so unreasonably greedy. You remember how he wept when I didn't share my glass of wine with him?'

'Yeah, he knows the good stuff. So, what are we having for dinner?'

'I have a whole list. Listen carefully. I want one pancake, one chocolate doughnut, fries and a large pizza, with those little round green things on top, without that smelly white sauce. And we really should empty that wine bottle.'

'It's not even opened but yeah, I agree, we totally need to get super drunk.'

'I might fall asleep after the first sip. I hope you know I expect a long foot massage. Both feet. Long. And then maybe you could massage my back, yes, that's a great idea. Fine, I see that look on your face, if you're thinking about anything naughty, you'll have to do the whole work. I intend on lying completely still, you hear me?'

'Mmm, Loki, you know how to turn me on. I love it when you're being so passionate.'

Bjorn put the snake down, any of his toys wasn't actually that interesting when he had to play on his own. It was always more fun when Mummy played with him, making the teddies and figurines talk to him. That was amazing. Bjorn was overwhelmed with Mummy's abilities, the range of funny noises Mummy made, the never-ending stories about little Midgardian boys, all the games Mummy knew and Daddy didn't.

'You bored yet, son? Take the book, bring Mummy the book, come.'

Bjorn looked around, searching for his favourite book. Its cover was blue and inside there were pictures that Mummy always described to him. He found the book and handed it to Mummy, then turned around and sat on Mummy's lap, snuggling close. Mummy let him open the book, Bjorn touched the first image, he knew it was a baby.

'All right. Here we see a Midgardian child, slightly bigger than you. You see? He's on a little bicycle. You see that? And behind him there's a car. Pff, Midgardian means of transport. Next page!'

Bjorn turned the page and smacked Mummy's thigh to express his excitement. He liked that picture most.

'Oh dear, can you see that? It's a kitty cat, oh my goodness, a real kitty cat. What does the kitty say?'

'Myam!'

'Myam, ok, or meow. Stark, why can he say myam and not, I don't know, MUMMY?'

'Bjorn, say Mummy. Or Daddy.'

'MYAM!'

'Fine. Bjorn, what is the kitty doing here? Is he drinking milk? How do you think? I think he's drinking milk. Kitties love milk. Next page!

'Dear God, I'm falling asleep.'

'See, Bjorn? Daddy's tired. You're tired, too. You're going to bed in a moment, so Mummy can have dinner in peace. Oh! What do we see here? It's a bear, you see? Your name means bear. Mummy hopes you'll be bigger than your useless, ugh, uncle. You must be huge, like a bear and fearless.'

'At least you don't force him to fulfill your dreams.'

'Shut up, Stark. You wanted to call him Anthony. Pff. Daddy. Don't listen to Daddy, Bjorn. Next page! Ah! What is this? It's a bunny, see? Long ears, fluffy tail. That's a bunny. You know that Midgardians hunt bunnies and eat them?'

'Brilliant, Lokes, really.'

'Make yourself useful- order the food, and get the massage oil, I mean it.'

Daddy leant to kiss Bjorn's cheek, then Mummy's and got up. Bjorn didn't even notice when Daddy left, focused on Mummy's voice and how Mummy's thighs felt under his palms. He squeezed the soft parts, then gripped Mummy's knees, bony and hard.

'Turn the page, young man.'

Bjorn leant against Mummy again. On the next page they saw a spider talking to a fly, that was Mummy's favourite picture, it always made Mummy laugh.

'Look, Bjorn, this nice spider wants to make friends with this silly fly, you see? This book is crazy. You know what? Let's finish it in your bedroom, hmm?'

Mummy carried him there, holding him tight and Bjorn thought he remembered the times when he could fall asleep on Mummy's chest, or in Mummy and Daddy's bed. In his crib, he didn't want to lie down and Mummy didn't insist, just sat next to the crib and described him two last pictures- Bjorn knew one was of two pink pigs, the other- of a green forest. Mummy put the book away and took off his shirt.

'Here, take this.'

Bjorn gripped the shirt that smelled like Mummy and pressed it against his nose. What a comforting smell. He wanted Mummy to stay but he was always forced to fall asleep alone. 

'See you tomorrow. Do not wake up before 6. Mummy won't come here before 6, remember.'

Bjorn had no idea what it meant. He started crying the moment Mummy closed the door, hoping it would bring Mummy back but it didn't. At least he had the shirt.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the positive feedback. I thought this series was too fluffeh.
> 
> Omg, the bath part is abosolutely true. I knew a 40-year-old father of 2 boys and he couldn't wash them without whining. Like, omg, dude, you have the same things between your legs and it takes seconds to clean a baby. Men are so useless.
> 
> Also, it's a fact, babies look much cuter in footed pajamas, that's science, trust me, I'm a woman with the maternal instinct.


End file.
